oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
