I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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