His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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