flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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