I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
