So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
