i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
