Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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