dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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