i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
