We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
