the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
