guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
