We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
