The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
They took my balls.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
