College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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