I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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