At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
