Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
