this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
