All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
