woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
