Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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