I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
