Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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