Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
