I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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