I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
