you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
