Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Use "feeling words"
Yay
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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