her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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