you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
