two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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