I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
