The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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