I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
