Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
