Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
