Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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