Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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