maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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