that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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