The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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