Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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