she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
