fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
