Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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