I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
