May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
