i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
