I think I won the penis lottery.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
