the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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